so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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