Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
