I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
