now i know why i became what i already was.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You are a genius and a whore.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
