Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
