you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
