Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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