and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
