When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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