I can tuck mytits in my pants
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
