shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
