Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
