Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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