Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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