suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
