The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
