maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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