Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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