I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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