Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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