pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
