Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
