problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
