How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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