Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
