On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
