I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
