So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
