I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
