I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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