Don't you send me to vm
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
