A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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