try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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