i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
