The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
