Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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