I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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