why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
