He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
