my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
