I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
