I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
