she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
