An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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