I wanna passion pit in your ass
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My dick has a subreddit
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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