My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
