So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
