Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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