There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
