if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
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