The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
