I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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