Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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