so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
