Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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