similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
