Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
