its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
