So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
