yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
